3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Shame is for Republicans.
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