are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
