I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
