Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
babies were throwing up all over the place
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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