I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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