guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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