He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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