just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
