Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
