Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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