then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
