normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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