I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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