Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
