hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
