Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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