I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
