I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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