woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
