Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
