I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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