im having a threesome with these popsicles
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
