On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Randomize
