just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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