So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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