Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
