I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
