I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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