Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just pee around me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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