he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
