I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
