she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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