barbara walters just said penis...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This is the high leading the old right now
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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