his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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