grandma shit on top of the toilet
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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