Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
