Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
