I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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