life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
