so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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