On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
