She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
