I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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