I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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