Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
