kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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