How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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