take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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