oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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