i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
