just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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