I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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