yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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