My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
