he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
