Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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