Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
