my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
