I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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